I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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