Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
