she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
