found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
