If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
