I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
