His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
