____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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