My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
