there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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