we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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