I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
