Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
