I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
