peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Man, jail baloney is awful.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
