dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
