Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize