I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
