My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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