After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
