Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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