If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
