Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
