So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
