the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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