It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
