Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
