I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
