i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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