Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
