I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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