Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
