she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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