Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
false alarm. still invincible.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
