This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
