I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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