My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
