____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
