just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
