I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
