Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
