Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize