Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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