It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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