she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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