u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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