I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
