I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What did we do last night that was yellow?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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