He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Small penises have feelings too.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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