Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize