She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize