The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
