I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someone came in the potted fern
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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