I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
