I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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