I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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