never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
