I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize