I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
