I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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