she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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