She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
