She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
