so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
