I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
