I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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