New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
