I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
