we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the raccoons are back...
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